.._|_..b-R-o-K-e-N reALity.._|_..

wiLL yAh?

2006-06-23T10:32:00.001-07:00

Will you care if I tell you that the love you’re feeling is not true?
Will you believe me because I’m really saying the truth?
Will you deny it?
Will you even care?
Will you tell me that I’m wrong?
I am not wrong.
I know the distinction.
I know that you’re not true
You’re only fooling yourself
I’m sorry that you do.

wiLL yAh?

2006-06-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

ewan

2005-03-27T02:57:00.000-08:00

CONFUSED WITH LOVE

I received this from BOBONGPINOY@YAHOOGROUPS.COM. It is quite nice. And there, I hope you like it too:

It has always been said that sometimes the only person who can make us happy is the same person who makes us cry. But most of the time, we don't find this happiness because the person who made us cry doesn't love us at all. We all know that love has a way of painting the world around us with beautiful colors. It can make us see something that is not real, something that is not there at all. A person in love would often give more meaning to the actions of another person which he or she interprets as some form of caring or even a gesture of love. But the thing is, when we are blindly in love, we really don't see the world around us as it is. We see it differently. Some people even build their own world of make-believe where they can live happily ever after. But the only "after" there can be is disillusionment. I know it's hard to see the difference between love and friendship when it's love that we want so much. Sometimes the only way to prove our love for a person is to simply give him the freedom to choose who he wants to love, even if it may not be us. Let us always remember that the greatest challenge in this life is how to love unselfishly and make other people happy even if it means giving up our own happiness.

jesus died

2005-03-27T02:38:00.000-08:00

"WE ARE LOVED"

Today, I feel blessed. I attended the Mass twice. (actually, I served. I'm an altar server, remember?)
Fr. Chito (not my favorite priest) gave a wonderful sermon today.
He said that all of our efforts, all of our hardwork would not be of any worth if Jesus did not resurrect. Yes. So true!

If all of these things that we have right now are just for temporary happiness in this world, then not everyone would feel happy about it. More and more people would wander aimlessly, stupidly. This is perhaps the reason why "we need to believe in heaven and hell--in a GOD."

JESUS DID NOT DIE ON THE CROSS BECAUSE HE WANTED TO.
HE JUST FOLLOWED WHAT HIS FATHER HAD SAID.
AND HE AND THE FATHER ARE ONE.(Confusing? Right!)

However, here's the real understandable thing: JESUS DIED FOR YOU AND ME. HE died because HE wanted us to feel loved. He wanted to prove that YOU and I are loved. He suffered, carried the CROSS, and DIED to make us feel how much He and the Father LOVE US. He really knows what the TRUE love is--undeniably and purely SELFLESS.

That's got to be true. I believe in it so much. I love JESUS. I hope you do too.

Happy EASTER~!

reVeALed

2005-03-18T22:37:00.000-08:00

"rEveALed"

nOw, you knoW.

i'Ve tRied to hIde it. i TriEd to kEep iT. But wHEn you AskEd, thE onLy thiNg ThaT i WaS abLe to Do waS to nOd mY Head.

Now thAt you kNow, whAt Are You GonNa Do???

iT wAS hArD eNOuGh to kEep iT FoR suCh a LoNg TimE.

AnD now, wiLL i bE fRee?

Is thIs the ReaLity??

i'm BRoKen AgaiN.

I knOw i'LL aLwaYs be.

AnD so will YOU.

i'm heLpLess

2005-03-18T22:19:00.000-08:00

"I'm HeLpLess"

Have you ever felt so stupid because you couldn't do what you're supposed to do?

Guess what??

I always feel that way. I don't know why. I really feel so bad when I'm frustrated. But what's really bad about it--is that I feel bad even if I felt frustrated for a thing that wasn't in my plan in the first place. I just hate it when I don't get to meet other people's expectations. I don't know if that's good or bad.

I guess it just makes me feel bad.

I don't really know,dear.

I don't.

But, I'm not stupid.

Partners

2005-03-18T19:44:00.000-08:00

MarriAge.

De La Salle University Student Council--Here I come!!!!

2005-03-12T23:17:00.000-08:00

De La Salle University Student Council--Here I come!!!!

I won the elections. Can you believe that??
As for now, I'm planning already for my monthly activities etc.
heheh.

I'm not good at being on time, but hey, I can handle the pressure.

You know what? I felt that I did my best--in the campaign, during the elections. I hope I could still do my best when I'm already there.

God answered my prayers. He blessed me and I am so grateful for His grace.

But here's what so weird: My parents aren't happy about it.. heheheh!
They wanted me to focus more on my studies and nothing else.

Well, what can I do??

There are a lot of reasons to run... there are a lot of changes to push for. And, I'm not quitting now.

I love being busy.. It's in my system.

I am me.

I shall always be.=)

beLievE mE???

2005-01-16T05:12:00.000-08:00

how do u kNow whEn soMeone's teLLing the tRuth???
i wonDer.

shOuLd u juZ reLy on uR feeLIngs??
on HunChes?
on whAt pEopLE sAY???

i dunnO...
mYbE the AnsweR's Over Der.
sO Far aWay.
Dat iT's aLreAdY stUpid to LOok For iT.

will yoU??
CAn YOU?

or wiLL u juSt TRuSt?
unTiL, u Get hURt???

kEep bELieVing.

2005-01-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

mY fRiend toLd me... "aLam mO mEg,tigaS ng uLo mo... bAsta, matigas ka..."
"Ano??? BakIt???"
"BaSta... di mo tinAtanggAp kUng AnO Lang anG ino-offer sAyo... guSto mO laginG saKto sa guSto mo.. aBa..kW diN...bKa di kA maGkAboyFrND. tSaka di ka bA nAfru-fruStrAte pAg di mo nAKukuHA anG guSto mO...LAginG pErFect anG guSto mo eh--perfect sa guSto mo..."
"Haha. nAtatakOT akO" (sarcastic remark, of course)
"Bhala kA."

I find it kinDA fuNNy. Why should i settLE for sOmething Less than WhaT i reALLy wanT???
I woNder if pEopLe liKE that ExiSt... i thiNk eVerYOne reALLy are StUbbOrn..geNeraLLy (kSi nGa cgUro mAY mGa TaO nGa siGuRonG suPEr bAit)

i'm sTubbORn... But i bELiEve... i'M noT sTubbORn.. i juSt Love mYselF.
i kNOw... iT's haRd fOR me to ReaLLy tRust othEr pEOple and let my gUarD dowN... anD becAuse of tHAt, i hArdLy have reALLy inTimAte reLationshiPs, mosT esPEciALLy a BF. And pEOpLe sAy that i gEnerALLy doNt knOw hoW to Love oTher PeopLe... mAybe...
bUT i'm noT sure.

whAt i'm suRe of is that i reALLy Love mYseLF and that mORe than AnyoNe in the WorLd, exCepT for God, i reALLy TRuSt mYseLF.

That's The ReASon Why i KeeP on bELievIng in MyseLf...
and I keep on BELIEVING tHat i coULd gEt whAt i reALLY wAnt.
ThAt pEople cAN aChieVe thEir goALs, dreAms, AmBitionS, if oNLY they woRk hArd foR it.
And i kNow... i soUnd like the AuthOR of the 7 hAbiTs of HighLy enGot peoPLe... buT then AgAin,. tAkE noTe thAt yoU cAn AppLy thIS nAMan in yoUR noRmaL life...just Like in love...wHo sAiD that yOU cAn't fiND the MR. RIGHT and MR. PERFECT???? yEs You Can... ALL you hAve to do is shAre a PArT of YOu.. oPEn uP... AsK frOm the guYS that couRt you WhaT you ReALLy wAnt. iF theY caN't giVe it..thEy Can NEVer Do... so be ReADy to gEt huRt and finD somEone NEw. oNe daY, if You kEEp on TrYing, you'll sEE, thE guY of youR dreAms wiLL coME runnINg aFter yoU..
ACtuALLy, iT's eVEn oK if You'Re the ONe whO's goNNa ruN afTer thE MR. PERFECT and MR. RIGHT guY... if thaT's whAt it TakEs for yoU to GEt HIm.=)

mS. TrIniDz.

2005-01-11T06:44:00.001-08:00

mS trINidZ.
hAy nAku.. shE's my idOL taLaga.
damI nYA naNg naPahIRam saKing libRo
And eVen if Di kO nA syA pRof nOW, tnTxt nYA pArN mE and shE's EvEn AsKIng if i wAnted to BoRRow A nEw oNE. i mEan... sYemPRe... pEro DiBA nAKkHiyA////
WLa LNg... reAding is whAt i do for mE to coPe up wiTh the pRessuRes of the Day.
I KEep oN reAdiNg bEcaUSe i KeeP on lIvinG.
ANd iF i kEeP on LiVING, i'Ve goT to KeEp on LeArnIng.
ThAt's WhaT i Am.
WhaT i wiLL aLwaYs be.

"Interdependence is a higher value than independence." -Steven Covey (7 habits of highly effective people)

bELiEvE???

2005-01-11T06:44:00.000-08:00

i SaID i'M neVer gOnNA be AfRaid buT mY KNeeS are ShAking.
I sAid i'M goNNa mOve oN but teArs fALL so fAst.
i SaId i'm gOnnA bE sTroNg. BuT thEn I feeL so WeAk.
AnD so nOw you'Re fAdiNg...wouLd i sTiLL bELIevE??

sAd.sTorY.

2005-01-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

My best friend’s gonna marry at the age of 21—next week…
I’m happy for her but I don’t know… I really don’t.
I’m gonna miss her.
I love her-really!
And once she gets married, all things change.
I’m not really afraid of losing her, or of being alone because I grew up as a person who was never afraid of loneliness. In fact, of all things, that’s the least thing I’m afraid of.

However, this time, I really feel that I’m going to be alone. And for the second time or so, I’m gonna lose another best friend. I know. I know… I’m not gonna lose her… but then again, another chapter of our lives has opened and like reading a novel, I’m really excited…but I’m also anxious of what’s gonna be the result of this.

I can’t be always like this. I know.
I can’t always say I’m not afraid.
Because I am.
Because I feel so.
Because I’m lost.
And lost still

What happened?

2005-01-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

What happened?

My cousin just saw my eyes puffed after I used the CR. I felt bad. It hurts when someone breaks your trust. RIGHT??? I mean that it’s even worse than being heartbroken. TRUST—one word, but it means the whole world to me. It takes so much time before I really trust a person—really! But then… my trust for this special friend has been broken. I thought I was careful enough.
Just a thought.
And we commit mistakes right???

Naku… it’s so bad… this is really bad.
I did my best to be careful and not get hurt but I did. My friends also believed he was trust-worthy. But then, we were all fooled.

reALLy LosT.

2005-01-11T06:34:00.000-08:00

No. I’m not gonna cry tonight.
All I would do is look at myself.
All I would try to do is remember the past.
Those memories may not be perfect.
They may not even be good to remember.

But deep inside, in the middle of the night, I’m happy that I could even just remember your face, the calmness of your smile, those wonderful words I hear from your lips, those sleepy eyes, your soft hair, your smooth face. Even though these memories tear my heart, I could not help but keep them safe in my heart, keep opening them every night. Because these are all I had—these are all I have, these are all I’ll ever have. And one by one, tears kept falling so fast. They just won’t stop. As I look in the mirror and sing the song I have for you, I felt complete. I felt like I was just another girl, who’s fallen in love with another boy, happy and complete, even if she didn’t get to receive anything in return but friendship.

I’m happy.
But why do tears come down?

I’m complete.
But why is there so much emptiness inside?

I am here.
But why is it that a part of me stays with you?

I’m lost.
And never found.

LOSTGURL

LoStguRL

2005-01-10T16:46:00.001-08:00

diD u eVer woNder kUng bAkit a peRson cAn say To heR friEnd., "cGe nA, saGutin mO nA sYA..." but WhEn kAw nA uNg guRL na niLiligawAn, u'd Say..."di pA ko suRe eh>"

mY siSter hAd a GooD anSwer.
it's beCause daw...a person can or cannot trust the GuY... vuLnerAbLe kC... buT the reAL reAsoN behiNd thAt is... thE guRL caNNot truSt hErsELf...
if ShE cAn hAndLe thE reLationShip or
the pAin iF shE loses Him

nICe ate

3rd tErm...bOring.

2005-01-10T16:46:00.000-08:00

pAsaWay...nKu...
cOmp1aC namN...super BoRing.
kitA mo nKagawa pA kO ng bLog..
wAit Lng...pRang nKakaboBo diTO sa LasALLe
iMaginE, seCond TerM super hIhiRap ng mGa suBjEcts
tHen nGayN nAmAn boRing tLaga... tPos..eTo mGa Lang kWenta ang mGa subjeCts today.
OBLICON lng cGurO. hopEfuLLy, mAgkArOn nAmAn nG buHay.
OO nGa pLa...GenEraL eLectioNs. nEEd to bE acTive pa pLa.
haY...

bagyo...apathy

2004-12-02T01:51:00.000-08:00

I woke up 4:45 in the morning today, felt real bad because of a bad flu… and woke up to take a bath. In my mind, I really felt disappointed. I haven’t studied for our quiz in Math… Permutations pa naman and all the hard stuff. I will fail the quiz and that would leave me with one choice, I had to have good results in the finals…damn!

And then, a knock on the bathroom door.

“Meg…walang pasok…”

“Ano??”

“Walang pasok…”

“Bakit?”

“May bagyo…”

“Yes!”

I don’t have to go to school…Thank GOD!

I love this day…but at this moment… I’m sure a lot of people are suffering… Houses broken, people killed, properties swept away by flashfloods…what a hopeless scenario!

And yet…I’m celebrating from being saved from my Math quiz… what a loser?!

I’m so mean…so apathetic… I want to help them but no one’s starting it… No one cares. If we’re gonna be donating, wouldn’t it be nice if everyone could donate?

But no one cares.

No one believes.

No one’s there.

If only there were true leaders. If only there were starters. Then perhaps this world would be such a better place…

kWeNToNg Di LnG pAnGbArBeRo, pAngmAdre pA…

2004-11-18T02:39:00.000-08:00

I heard his from a Tapat friend: “…I have kwento…”

So here I am, I’m gonna make kwento… and don’t worry, it’s not gonna be a boring, stupid story about how I hurt my knee a while ago, but this is FUNNY, REALLY FUNNY.

Thursday—this is not the best day for me (it’s got to be Wednesday) but I like it because I get to meet Bombit, who’s got to be the next best professor (you know how I love Ms. Edith). Also, it’s because I get to stay in school for only a half day and I enjoy going home early. (Hey! I’d rather wake up 4:00 in the morning rather than go home by 11 pm. I’d be dead for sure!!!)

So it’s Christ week, right? And, along the Central Plaza there are booths there which sell books (but I guess their prices are just the same as in National Bookstore) and PRAYER books (this booth that I’m talking about is the PAULINES booth where the ‘sisters’ are the ‘sellers’). So, I remembered that I don’t have a copy of the NEW Mysteries—the Mysteries of Light so I decided to look for a good prayer book. I have a good one, one that is actually a Pauline, so I went there and bought.

So there was this nun, she I think is about 35 years old, seriously reading a book, and when I told a younger, neophyte nun that I was buying the prayer book, she stood up and smiled. She asked me if I was graduating. I said “Hindi po sister, 1st year pa lang po ako…”

Then she asked, “Gusto mo bang magmadre??? May mga search-in kami. Sali ka.”

(Hahahah! Now you’re laughing)

I told her, “Opo sister, nakapagsearch-in na ko before, sa RVM naman po. Pauline po kayo diba?”
(That was a lie. I never went to search-ins.)

“Ano bang pangalan mo?”

“Mary Grace po.”

“O kita mo na, ang ganda ng pangalan mo… Mary na, grace pa…”

“Baka gusto mong magmadre. Masarap magmadre.”

“Opo...”

Then she gave me pamphlets and included in the merchandise I bought.

“Thank you po sister.”

“O, basta ha, you give me your name, your contact numbers,” , giving me a paper with a blank bio-data, “Nandito kami until Saturday, so, bigay mo lang samin ha.”

“Opo. Thank you po.”

“O at saka you pray ha…”

“Opo, thank you po sister.”

Funny? That’s not the end of the story. This is where it gets really weird.

I went to mass after that and at that mass, the theme was “Calling of God, saying YES To GOD.” Hello!!! What’s happening here???

Much more exciting, during the mass, Bro. Jayjay, a Lasallian brother, shared his story about being really happy even though he’s serving others. Then, he invited everyone to get a seedling (maliit na plant na…), I was thinking of my bad accounting quizzes by that time so I got one seedling without knowing the reason why. And you know me, I am a conservative person when it comes to the environment, so I took one.

I don’t know what it means to you. I don’t even know what it means for me… but I made kwento na… so there—you got one.

I love Wednesdaysz.

2004-11-11T01:34:00.001-08:00

I LOVE WEDNESDAYZzz

I love it so much that I want to spell it that way. With the Z. It’s distinctively attractive. Amazing!

All the days of the week could be somber, lonely, too exciting, too passive, too boring, too stressing but if there’s one day in an entire week that should be perfect, it’s got to be a Wednesday. It’s not because CSI and Alias are shown on that day. I don’t know. It just happens to make me feel happy and gay. (yuck!)

Early this morning, Ms. Trinidad just greeted me a Happy Birthday because she said she couldn’t greet me anymore. With a wide smile on her face, she said “Happy Birthday!”… OH I just LOVE her!

Then, we made a presentation in Filipi1 this afternoon and Sir Ert just got impressed! Wouldn’t that make your day!? Amazing!

I just love Wednesdaysz!!!! I’ll continue loving it for all the rest of my life… MUAH!

>>--------sayang--------->

2004-10-29T10:36:00.001-07:00

When it’s over. It’s over.

Yeah… that’s what I said. What I said… but it isn’t always the case.

Just when you’re about to give up on something you wanted so much… someone inspires you to keep on doing it again. You do it until you can only feel sorry for yourself. In the end, all your efforts were gone like bubbles. Then you try to convince yourself… “Hey! Dammit! At least I tried!” When all you wanted to say was… “Dammit! What now?” Then you start to realize, you’ve spent so much time, so much effort on that thing you thought was special, that you’ve forgotten how to live—how to live a life. PATHETIC! STUPIDLY PATHETIC!

Isn’t it?

I have regretted the fact that I took some things for granted. I let things slipped my way. Just because I thought that I was doing something better—that it was my life! I didn’t notice that something so precious was just right in my face--BUT I JUST couldn’t notice. I couldn’t care less. Until…it’s too late… Now it’s over.

Is it really over?

Will it still come back?

It’s over.

It’s all over.

And all I can do is tell myself, “Sayang…” ……………………………………………………….and a tear fell from my eye.

weR aM i??

2004-10-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

it's noT a uSuAL quEstIon you AsK to YouRsELf...bUt it's the kInd of quEstion i aSk mYseLf evEry miNuTe of The Day...

According to the test we took on our Psychology class, I am an intuitive person (not that it matters to you). However, I am not really good when it comes to directions. I cannot even follow simple instructions and I get REAL mad when someone finds out. hehe!

So, whEre Am I?

Have you asked the question yourself?

People make choices, they enter relationships but do they know where they're heading? Do they really want to be where they wanted to be in the first place. Some just come and go. Some get stuck.

Me? I always get stuck. When I'm lost, I'm really lost and I can't find my way back. I've always been like that. Always.

So, most of the time, I ask myself, "Where the fucking-burning-itching-irritating HELL I am???!!!" I get tired. I AM TIRED! (Damn it!)--of being lost.

hahahhaha!

You may be laughing hard right now.

But it's not funny you know.

I might as well kill you now. (hehe)

So some people enter into responsibilities. They become leaders and you know, become famous. (the yearning for fame, tsk! tsk!-- twas once mine) They get stuck in that moment of fame. But when things go wrong (as they always do), where do you find them? Hiding beneath the covers? covering their heads with pillows? crunched up like a fetus? hahah! (the fear of losing and things-going-the-wrong-way.. tsk! tsk!--twas once mine!) hehehe!

So i tell you.. ask yourself the same question.

WHERE AM I?

Do I belong here?

Should I be here?

Did I ever want to be here in the first place?

Is this where I want to be, right now?

Am I lost?

but the worst is...

Am I stuck?

you can always have an answer but there's no need for you to have one... Just answer the one question that I always wanted to answer but I just couldn't.

"Should I stay or LEAVE now?"

It's up to you... You have a choice. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE! God gave it to you for free. No interests, no pay-backs. It's all for free.

Now, the question is.

"WHERE AM I?"